Break free from the victim role - Find new strength with The Work and IBSR (Inquiry Based Stress Reduction)

Hey you! Do you sometimes feel like a pawn in fate's game? As if life is pushing you around and there's nothing you can do about it? Welcome to the club—you're not alone. Many of us know this feeling of powerlessness all too well.

The good news: You don't have to remain a victim of your circumstances and your victim mentality (even if you initially think there's no way out). With the right tools, you can take control of your life, your thinking, and thus your inner experience, and discover your inner strength.

Let's take a look together at how Inquiry Based Stress Reduction (IBSR), or The Work by Byron Katie, can help you leave the victim role behind and discover your self-efficacy. The path to a self-determined life begins with recognizing how much your thoughts shape your reality.

If you're currently stuck in the victim role, you may find change difficult or even completely impossible. That's okay. You don't have to believe that anything will change. I simply invite you to give this approach a try. You have nothing to lose, except maybe a few minutes of your time. If it doesn't 'work' for you after an honest, serious attempt, then you haven't lost anything. You're still in the victim role.

However, if after the process I am about to introduce you, you notice a positive change in your inner attitude, your thinking, your self-perception, your feelings, then you have 'gained' and can use this tool, this path to more freedom, clarity, and self-efficacy, again and again for yourself.

The victim role - what's behind it?

Before we dive into the solutions, let's briefly understand what the victim role actually is. In the victim role, we see ourselves as helpless, exposed, and powerless, and we feel accordingly. We believe that we have no control over our lives and that everything bad that happens to us is somehow inevitable and has nothing to do with us and our thinking, but rather with the outside world and others.

This mindset is often fueled by deeply ingrained beliefs that act like an invisible prison. Here are a few examples of typical "victim mentality":

"I can't change anything anyway."
"Life isn't treating me well."
"Others always have it easier than me."
"I will never be successful."
"Nobody likes me."
"Nobody supports me."
"Everything always goes wrong."
"There's nothing I can do anyway."
"In order for me to have a fulfilling life, I need him/her to _________."

And of course, this list isn't exhaustive. The thoughts that lead us to see ourselves as victims can also be subtle. For example, when we see ourselves in a waiting mode with our lives and think we can only 'move on' or take control of our lives once others have given us their permission, or something similar.

Sometimes it is experiences from our childhood that we blame for who we are now.

Maybe it's our skin color, our origins, or something someone once said to us...

Do you recognize some of the thoughts above? Can you find more for yourself?

If so, what are your victim-role thoughts? If you have the capacity, write them down.

Writing things down makes the 'invisible prison' of the stressful thoughts we think visible.

I'm not saying these things didn't have an 'impact'.

The question is, do I want to invite a new experience? Do I want these "things" that are past but still alive in my mind as images and memories to continue to influence my life, my thoughts, my inner experience, and my self-image? And do these thoughts help me, or do they keep me trapped in a stressful experience and in the "victim role"?

My impression is that most of us, sometimes more often, sometimes less often, think and believe such (victim role) thoughts.

The question is what we do with it when we become aware of it...

For me, the crux of the matter is: These thoughts/beliefs are not reality. They are 'just' thoughts that we believe. They are 'just' habits of our mind that we can change, or rather, that change when we examine and re-examine them. (I'll explain how to do this in a moment)

By learning to actively shape your life, from within (your thinking and thus your perception) outward, instead of allowing yourself to be controlled by supposedly external circumstances, you take the first step toward a more self-determined life. And this is exactly where IBSR / The Work comes in!

Inquiry Based Stress Reduction (IBSR) aka The Work - Your toolkit for inner freedom

Inquiry-Based Stress Reduction (IBSR), also known as "The Work" by Byron Katie, is my preferred Swiss Army knife for the mind. It's a simple yet incredibly powerful method for questioning and dissolving stressful thoughts, beliefs, and limiting beliefs.

How it works:

Here in abstract form and then below with a concrete example...

1. Identify the stressful thought:

Grab a stressful thought and Write it down. (You may be tempted to do this in your head, and I encourage you to actually do this task in writing.)

2. Examine the thought:

Ask yourself the four questions from The Work, which I'm sharing with you right now. It's important to take your time with each question... IBSR is a type of meditation, a mindfulness practice.

The Work 'works' when you don't look for the answers in your head, but go within with the questions and let the answers come to you from your inner silence.

I usually read the thought I wrote down in step 1 out loud again, then ask myself the question and close my eyes until an answer comes to me.

Okay, here are the questions:

Question 1: Is this true? (Ask yourself honestly, like a detective. The answer is either yes or no.)

Question 2: Can you know with absolute certainty that this is true? (The answer is either yes or no. If your answer to the first question was already no, you can skip this question.)

Question 3: How do you react, what happens when you believe this thought? (How do you react when you believe this thought? How does it feel when you believe this thought? How do you treat yourself and others when you believe the thought? .... This question allows you to recognize the effects of holding on to the thought in your life.)

Question 4: Who or what would you be without this thought? (If you couldn't even think the thought... who or what would you be? How might that feel differently? What else might you be able to do?)

3. Reverse:

Turn the thought around and find three concrete examples of how the opposite could be true or more true than the stressful thought. These are authentic examples for you. Can you find an authentic example of how the opposite of the stressful thought is true or more true?

____

You see... it's actually 'only' 4 questions and the reversal of the idea being examined.

Sounds simple, right?

But don’t underestimate the power of this method.

Several studies have shown that regular practice of IBSR can lead to a significant reduction in anxiety, depression, and stress. This is also my personal experience, having applied this study to stressful thoughts in 'my' mind thousands of times.

IBSR / The Work in Action - A practical example

Let’s go through the whole thing with an example.

Imagine you're lying in bed at night and can't fall asleep. Thoughts are circling through your head. One thought you can identify is: "I will never be successful." You turn on your nightlight and write down the thought: "I will never be successful." (Step 1: Identify and write down)

In the next step you go into the investigation part (Step 2: Questioning).

Question 1. Is this true?

Your first reaction may be "Yes!" But when you dig deeper, can you really say with certainty that you'll *never* be successful?

Question 2. Can you know with absolute certainty that this is true?

Hmm, no, you can't know with absolute certainty. No one can predict the future. There are always opportunities for change and growth. Besides... what exactly does 'being successful' mean? So no, you can't know with absolute certainty.

Question 3. How do you react when you believe this thought?

Maybe you feel discouraged, sad, or hopeless. You might give up more quickly or not even try to achieve your goals. In the situation where you're having this thought, right here at night before you fall asleep, the thought is definitely keeping you awake. It's making you restless. You're on a hamster wheel of thoughts, comparing yourself to others. Images of 'successful Instagrammers' fly through your head. And thoughts of lack. The thought that you're not enough. Stress.

Question 4. Who or what would you be without this thought?

Without this thought, there would be more peace. Without this thought, you might already be sleeping soundly. Without this thought, you would feel calmer and more confident. Without this thought, you would feel the bed beneath you, perhaps your breath moving your body. Without this thought, you wouldn't have a problem here, now, in this very moment.

Step 5. The reversals:

"I will be successful." How could this be true or truer? Can you find three authentic examples for yourself?

- "Well, I have had successes in the past, even if they were small."

- "I am constantly learning and growing, which increases my chances of success."

- "There are many different definitions of success, and in some areas I am already successful."

____

Do you see how perspective can change through this process? In this example, it may seem very "head-driven," a purely linear thought process, but my experience is: Whenever I meditate on the questions and go inward with them, the way I feel changes as well.

Can you see how this can lead to the transformation from a stressful belief, a limiting belief, to a more open, positive perspective?

My experience is time and again: By applying IBSR, life can be changed for the better and one can break out of the victim role in one's thinking.

The science behind the method

Maybe you're still not convinced. That's okay. You might be saying, "Sounds good, but does it really work?" Are there any studies on this? Before I try it, I need some solid scientific evidence.

The answer is: Yes! And not only do I experience that IBSR works, but science says so too.

A clinical pilot study published in 2015 examined the effects of IBSR on participants' well-being. The results were impressive: After just one 9-day IBSR workshop, participants showed a significant reduction in depressive symptoms and an improvement in their quality of life [1]. The mixed-model analysis showed significant positive changes between baseline compared to the end of the intervention and the six-month follow-up in all of the following measures:

Beck-Depressions-Inventar-II (BDI-II): Measuring the severity of depression.
Subjective Happiness Scale (SHS): Measuring personal happiness.
Quality of Life Inventory (QOLI): Assessment of satisfaction with various aspects of life.
Rapid Inventory of Depressive Symptoms - Self-Report (QIDS-SR16): Recording the symptoms of depression.
Outcome Questionnaire 45.2 (OQ-45.2): Measurement of general mental health and well-being.
Inventory for measuring state and trait anger - 2nd version (STAXI-2): Recording the frequency and intensity of anger.
Anxiety Inventory (STAI): Measurement of current and general anxiety.

Another study found that IBSR can reduce test anxiety and procrastination in the long term [2].

And these are just two examples of many.

A good friend in Zimbabwe uses the same method with young people in Zimbabwe who are HIV-positive. Through this screening, she supports them in letting go of self-stigma and shame.

The result: Participants suffer less from depression, take their medication more regularly, are more open and transparent in their communication about their health status, and are more involved in social life.

You can find an article in English about this friend here: A woman's journey fighting HIV stigma

In addition, this intervention was also documented: Wakakosha 'You Are Worth It': Report on the impact of a community-based, peer-led HIV self-stigma intervention to improve self-esteem and well-being among young people living with HIV in Zimbabwe.

______

In summary: IBSR can help you reframe difficult situations in life. Do it for yourself—it can transform both your personal and professional life.

Your way out of the victim role

Okay, now you're somewhat familiar with the method and have some initial evidence that it's scientifically sound. But how do you integrate IBSR into your daily life to break free from the victim role in the long term? Here are a few practical tips:

1. Daily mini exercises:

Take 5-10 minutes each day to identify a stressful thought, write it down, and work through the four questions. Good times to do this are first thing in the morning after you wake up or last thing in the evening before you go to bed.

2. Journaling: Keep an IBSR journal. Write down your stressful thoughts and document your answers to the four questions. This will help you recognize patterns and track your progress. Writing also helps you stay focused on answering the questions and avoid letting your mind wander.

3. Buddy-System: Find a friend to practice IBSR with. You can support and learn from each other. You can also sign up for a free appetizer coaching with The Work Register with me. In the free initial consultation, I can guide you through the 4 questions and reversals.

4. Workshops and retreats: Consider attending an IBSR workshop or even a retreat. The intensive practice in a group setting can be very transformative. Feel free to write to me to let me know when my next IBSR workshop is. Alternatively, you can also join the VTW, the Association for The Work (I am also a member there) look for current events.

5. Integrate it into your everyday life: Apply IBSR not only to "big" problems, but also to small, everyday stressful situations. Do you have a long commute on public transport? It's the perfect opportunity for a mini-inquiry using The Work's 4 questions!

6. Be patient and loving with yourself: Change sometimes takes time. Celebrate your small successes and don't be too hard on yourself if you fall back into old thought patterns (this is 'normal' and simply a matter of time). Once you've gotten to know The Work/IBSR a little bit practically, you might eventually see every new 'stressful situation' or every 'relapse' into an old thought pattern as simply another opportunity to learn something new about yourself and your thought world with IBSR. My perspective is: If I've practiced and believed stressful thoughts for decades, then I can now also have a little patience to dissolve these thought patterns through inner work.

With these practices it is said: Goodbye victim role! Keep in mind, however, that it's called "The Work" for a reason. Leaving the victim role and doing the inner work can indeed involve work and mental stretching. But clinging to the victim role and stressful thinking is, in my experience, even more exhausting.

The magic of self-empowerment

When you begin practicing IBSR regularly, you may notice subtle changes at first. You'll feel a little lighter, a little freer. But over time, these small changes can add up to a powerful transformation.

Imagine how it would feel if:

- You see challenges as opportunities rather than threats

- You no longer allow yourself to be paralyzed by your negative thoughts

(and know that you can examine them all and thereby change your thinking)

- You feel the strength within you to actively shape your life

- You no longer feel like a victim, but as the creator of your life

This isn't a utopia. This is the potential that lies within you when you free yourself from the shackles of victimhood.

Regular IBSR practice strengthens your individual resilience and helps you transform from a victim to a creator of your life. Strong self-confidence is often the result of this transformation.

Your next step

You now have the basic knowledge and tools to begin your journey out of victimhood. So what's your next step?

Here's my challenge to you: Take 10 minutes in the next 24 hours. Identify a stressful thought that's keeping you in the victim role and run it through the four questions of The Work. Be curious, be open, and see what happens.

If you need support but still don't know how to get started, simply sign up HERE for a free appetizer call and I will support you in the first run.

Remember: Every great journey begins with a small step. You don't have to turn your entire life upside down overnight. It's about regaining your inner freedom, step by step, thought by thought.

Are you ready to discover your power and take control of your life? The door is open. You just have to walk through it.

Let's leave the victim role behind together and create a life full of self-determination, joy, and fulfillment. You have the power to do it—now it's time to use it!

Every small step toward breaking free from the victim role is a step toward freedom. Experience a new sense of self-confidence by questioning your thoughts and taking control of your life.

Sources:

[1] Smernoff, E., Mitnik, I., Kolodner, K., & Lev-Ari, S. (2015). The effects of "The Work" meditation (Byron Katie) on psychological symptoms and quality of life—A pilot clinical study. Explore, 11(1), 24-31.

[2] Krispenz, A. (2019). Reducing test anxiety by questioning anxiety-inducing cognitions

Interested in the "fast lane" when it comes to inner work?

Would you rather identify your inner blockages now, clean up your mind, reduce stress and take responsibility than carry the same issues around with you for another year? Do you want to make a difference in your everyday work, business or interpersonal relationships?

Relationships, be less stressful, clearer, friendlier and more effortless?

Register here for a free initial consultation and

Appetizer-Coaching ein...

Arrange a consultation NOW!

Free, non-binding initial consultation. No pressure, just value!